


I Will Follow You Into The Dark

by Inrainbowz



Series: On Mortality [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comforting Alec, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Happy Ending, M/M, Magic, Panicking Magnus, even if he freaks out a bit too, i guess, like heavy on the feels, well they're together and mostly not crying so it counts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6497680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inrainbowz/pseuds/Inrainbowz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Alec..."</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Magnus choked up. It was all too much.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>"Alexander... I... I'm not immortal anymore."</i>
</p><p>Magnus did something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Let me throw some feels in your face. I really wanted to write Magnus becoming mortal. So I did. Being an adult is fantastic. And yeah I was thinking of that song by Death Cab for Cuties, "Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark"...
> 
> Night Changers is still to thank for the correction, enjoy!

Alec got a sense of something being wrong as soon as he stepped inside the loft. He found Magnus on the couch, worrying his hands, eyes down and shoulders low.

"Alec, I... I did something."

That got the man worried instantly, of course. He settled next to the warlock, his hand hovering awkwardly, not sur if his touch would be welcomed. 

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"I... I didn't want to tell you because... I don't know. It didn't feel like it had to be discussed anymore. I had the chance, and I had to act fast. I took it. I wanted it to be my decision and my own in the end, even if you're obviously involved but I... I had to do it alone. Please understand it I... I had to do it."

Alec took his lover's hands in his own.

"You're scaring me. Please tell me what is happening, are you hurt?”

Magnus looked up then, to look at Alec, the Shadowhunter’s eyes full of worry and fear. He had never felt so insecure, so lost in his long life. Then again, it was an entirely unique situation.

"Alec..."

Magnus choked up. It was all too much.

"Alexander... I... I'm not immortal anymore."

A deafening silence fell on the room. Everything seemed to freeze, suspended in time, shattered by the declaration. Even the outside noises were drowned out by their own blood pounding in their ears, the roar of their chaotic thoughts. Alec was squeezing Magnus's hands too hard. He hadn't move but he wasn't looking at him, not really. His eyes were unfocused and lost. 

"What?"

Silence again. Magnus couldn't say anything more. He felt nauseous.

"What? I don't... What?"

In other circumstances it would have been funny, Alec obviously having computing issues, like a defective tape. Neither of them felt like laughing though. Magnus was about to throw up.

"Starting today, I will age as any other, and eventually die, as any other."

After a pause, he added:

"As you."

Magnus waited, and waited and waited, but still Alec said nothing. And when he finally talked, it did nothing to ease his nerves:

"I don't know how I am supposed to react."

That much was obvious. He still wasn't moving, as still as a statue.

"Am I supposed to be happy? Because I think I am, I think I am, so much, but I shouldn't be, no? This is terrible, this is wonderful. I don't know, I thought that's not what you wanted, I would never have asked of you... Magnus, what is happening?"

They were both panicking, and it was getting out of hand rapidly. 

"Is it my fault? Did you do it because of me? Magnus, that's not, you know I never..."

"No, no, it's not... I..."

Magnus was shaking uncontrollably. Usually he would be the one to stay cool and collected, to calm his younger lover down and reassure him, but he was in no state to help anybody. He needed Alec to snap out of it, because he was losing his breath and his head was pounding.

"Alexander, Alec..."

A broken sob tore itself from his throat and suddenly Alec went very still. His face went expressionless and he straightened up. He released his death grip on Magnus’s hand and for a terrifying second Magnus thought he was letting go, he was going to get up and leave, never to return. But he simply caged his hands in his own more gently, running his thumbs soothingly on his skin. He was dead serious, almost formal, but his voice had a gentle edge when he spoke.

"Magnus, tell me how it happened. I'm listening."

He looked like the responsible Shadowhunter who stood before the Clave for the sake of his comrades. That's what he was doing: reversing into professional mode. That was, after all, a regular occurrence when he had to quiet his feelings and be rock solid. Magnus breathed a sigh of relief.

"I've been thinking about it for... for a really long time. Since even before we met, I would look into it sometimes. Life can be burdening, I just wanted to see if there was a way out. But not only did I never really had the final push to do it, it is also extremely difficult to achieve."

Talking was managable. Alec was close to him, surrounding him with his quiet presence. He wouldn't talk, Magnus knew. He was a very good listener. 

"I stumbled upon a potion, decades ago. Coupled with a ritual spell. Extremely complex, as much the technique as finding the ingredients. Took ages to make too. I figured I could start on it, why not? Honestly, I never thought I would ever manage to complete it. So it stayed half-finished for years. I would dive back into it sometimes, when it was all too much, and I made some progress. I've been missing only one ingredient for several years, and I had more or less given up on the idea. But my... my latest client, the djinn... He’s very old. Very very old, and very rich, magically speaking. A collector. He required some pretty heavy stuff, and when it came to payment he told me to ask for anything he may possess. He said that if he had it, he would give it to me, no matter what it was, but if he didn't, I would go without being paid. Those fuckers always put up shit like that."

Magnus saw Alec raise an eyebrow. He rarely swear, that was true, but the situation was exceptional. 

"I could have asked for anything, Alec. Anything. He probably had priceless books, or rare artifacts and ingredients. And, well, he had. I don't know, I was thinking about it and... and you came to my mind. Us falling apart because of our different lifespan, and your face this morning when you kissed me before going out, like you were reluctant, like you wanted to stay and... And I thought about this potion and... It was such a long shot. It was entirely probable that he didn't have what I needed, and even if he did, I had no way of knowing it would work. I could have ask for anything more valuable and still..."

Magnus was getting frantic. He couldn't make Alec understand what had gone through his mind because he didn't know himself. It's like if a genie came to you at the most random time and told you, you could make a single wish if you could make up your mind in the next thirty seconds. You’d have to think fast, no time for second guessing. And maybe you’d make a stupid or backward choice, or maybe your most profound desire would let itself be known right at that moment.  
"I asked for it, for angel tears. And he had some. I... I wasn't even expecting it. Once the idea came I knew that I couldn't ask for anything else and I had already come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't get anything for this job. But then... I was terrified. He gave me a vial, with a fucking annoying smile, before leaving and I stood there like an idiot, the price in my hand and no idea what to do."

He was calming down now. Facts were easier to tell than emotions.

"I didn't waste any time. I was scared I would lose the courage if I waited. I couldn't ask anyone, you understand? I couldn't... hear any rational argument, think critically about it. I... Hell, I barely even paused to drink it once it was done and the ritual was completed. It could have done anything! Alexander, I didn't... I didn't think. It could have killed me. It could have make me sick, make me go mad, but I didn't care, I didn't think about anything, not even about you, at that time I just wanted it so much, I didn't care about the consequences, about anything."

Magnus paused, took a deep breath. He was still shaken up, still lost in the frenzy that overtook him as soon as he got the angel tears in his hand. 

"But it worked. It worked. I'm... I'm... It worked."

He burst into tears. He didn't know if he was happy or sad, relieved or regretful, if it was a good idea or not. His entire life perspective had change in one afternoon. He was supposed to have centuries more. He didn't have even one now. It was all too much.

Alec was still calm. At least he had a calm facade. It was a practice coming with being the eldest and the responsible one. If you panicked, everyone panicked, so you didn't, or at least didn't let it show. He put his hand on either side of Magnus's face to have him face him. 

"Magnus,” he spoke gently. “You're right, I probably would have tried to dissuade you if you'd asked, even if I didn't want to, especially seeing how distressed you are now. I know you're scared, and lost, and unsure. But it is done now, and it doesn't change anything for me. I'm still by your side, and I'll still be, for the rest of my life, and now, maybe, for the rest of yours. It's gonna be alright. We'll figure this out. I love you."

Magnus was still crying and wasn't stopping anytime soon. It was just too much. He had almost been in a trance since the djinn had given him the vial, he even suspected the faerie to have enchanted him. It was certainly in their kind's power and ways, to push people to pursue their most hidden desire without thinking about the consequences. Like the Seelie Queen liked to do. He had made the spell, made the potion, he had drunk it. And only after that had he realized, truly, what he had done. And proceeded to freak out in the most undignified way.

"Are you hurt? Do you think there is any secondary effects or nasty catch to the potion?”

“N... No. No, I don't think so. It hurt at the time but it receded quickly."

He didn't mention that the pain, while very brief, was so intense he almost passed out. Somehow Alec seemed to have doubts anyway, because he added:

"I wish I had been there for you."

Without letting Magnus answer, he asked again:

"So no injuries? Do you need magical assistance other than your own, to be checked out by Catarina maybe?"

"I don't think so, not for now. But I'll have to tell her, to tell everyone," he said with a scared voice. 

Another thing he hadn't thought about.

"It can wait, it's about you now. You still have your demon mark. Your powers? Everything is in order? Do you think it changed anything?"

"Other than making me a mortal being? No, nothing I can feel. My magic is the same. My body too, although I gather it will rapidly change. As for my mind, ask me again in a couple of days."

He tried to laugh it off but his throat was still closed off and he didn't feel so good. 

"Do you want anything to eat, or drink? Or do you need some sleep?"

"I don't know if I could sleep right now but I... would be partial to going to bed."

"Ok."

Alec got up, staying very close to Magnus while he helped the warlock on his feet and guided him to the bedroom. When he lied down, he couldn't help but ask.

"You'll... you'll stay with me?"

Alec looked at him like he had just said a profanity.

"Of course, Magnus. I'm not going away from you for a very long time."

Magnus let out a relieved sigh and Alec frowned. He got on the bed and took the warlock in his arms. Magnus laid his head on the younger man's chest, focusing on his heartbeat.

"I'm not mad. Or relieved or disappointed, or happy or sad. This is about you. You made the choice and I'll help you live with it. It has nothing to do with me. I am no judge. I'm here for you, always. Do you understand?"

It was so strange, as if their usual position was reversed. Alec, forceful and confident, soothing and reassuring, eloquent and steady, and Magnus, insecure and lost, scared and needing support and comfort. Of course it hadn't been like that in a long time - Alec had grown in their relationship, had built confidence. But it was the first time he really needed to be an anchor to a drifting Magnus. Of course, the warlock had never been in a situation like this, and likely never would again. How long this one would take to be resolved, that was the question.

"I don't know if I did the right thing. I want to have that life, I always wanted to, and with you more than anyone, but..."

"You can't expect to adjust to it by snapping you finger. It is something big. It will take time."

"What if I regret?"

Alec made a pained noise at that and Magnus felt guilty. He shouldn't say that. He didn’t have the right.

"Sorry..."

"No, no, that's not it. It is very possible that you will regret it but... well, I don't know the details but I'm pretty sure what is done is done, right? Whether you regret it or not won't change anything now. You will have to live with it. It is done."

"It is done," echoed Magnus. It felt good to say it. Real, if no less terrifying. 

"It is done,” he said again, and suddenly he saw a future open in front of him, one he had fantasized about but never looked too closely.

"It is done, we will age together. We’ll have a family, watch it grow. We'll go the distance. And then we will part ways, but only for a short time. We'll be together."

He was in awe. He lifted his head to see Alec with the kind of expression he must have sported too, eyes shining with unshed tears and incredulity in his look, but with a smile, oh, a smile. They closed the distance between their lips and kissed slowly, with an unhurried pace, and it was funny that now that their time was truly limited, for both of them, Magnus found himself much more patient, content to just enjoy it. The terrible prospect of having to go more time without Alec than with him had vanished. 

It felt incredible.

**Author's Note:**

> And a week later Magnus (or Alec) got hit by a bus. Sorry.
> 
> So. I might do a follow up on this, Magnus adjusting, telling people around them and their reaction, Magnus doubting and Alec feeling guilty, all that. I didn't include their children into this because I think it would raise different question, especially Max. Maybe he would be a reason for Magnus not to do this. I'll think about it.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, english is still not my first (nor last, hehe) language, please leave a trace of your appreciation (no, not that kind of trace, I'm sorry for this joke, this wasn't even smut, why), I'm Inrainbowz on tumblr please prompt me on Malec, bye !


End file.
